Commitment and the Art of Pulling a Softy

In 1995 the earth moved and my life changed – for in that year Universal Pictures and Castlerock Entertainment released the movie “The American President”.  After my first viewing, I was captivated. The movie held three essential ingredients - first: it was about the American presidency at the time when Bill Clinton was the real life president (love him or hate him, he was fascinating!), second:  it starred Michael Douglas as the most powerful man in the world and third: it was a romance.  A heady combination given that it was Bill Clinton who started my interest in American politics, movies combining an American President and romance were and still are rare and IT STARRED MICHAEL DOUGLAS!

In that movie there is a scene in which Michael Douglas as President Andrew Shepherd has to break a date with his girlfriend, Sydney Ellen Wade (played by Annette Benning) because he has been unexpectedly called out of town to prevent an airline baggage handlers strike over Christmas. Having phoned Sydney, he mentions to his Press Secretary, Robin McCall (played by Anna Devere Smith) and his Chief Domestic Policy Adviser, Lewis Rothschild (played by Michael J Fox) that he hated breaking the date. The following dialogue ensues:

Lewis: “I tell any girl I’m going out with to assume that all plans are soft until she receives confirmation from me thirty minutes beforehand”

Robin: “And they find this romantic?”

Lewis: “I say it with a great deal of charm.”

Which brings me to the subject of this blog, the c-word, namely commitment.  This is commitment with a small “c”, by which I mean commitment to an appointment or a prearranged plan.  Commitment in the context of a marriage or an exclusive relationship is commitment with a big “C and is a whole other ball of wax, not to mention blog topic.

Not so very long ago, commitment of the small “c” variety used to mean something.  You made a plan, you followed through unless there was a true crisis or emergency. However, there has been a shift away from commitment in recent times and the shift is generally epitomised by the attitude and behaviour of the Millennials.  If you have ever:

• been put on hold or had a call end due to the person on the other end having to take another call
• had someone who you were talking to in person interrupt that conversation to take a call or look at a text
• had someone “beg off ” within 4 hours of the proposed meeting time

you’ll know what I mean.

How easy has breaking a commitment  become in the world of mobile phones and technology? In the current mobile  environment  is there really a commitment in the minds of the Millennials in the first place? There is no denying the convenience that mobile phones and technology have brought to our lives, but that convenience seems to be inversely proportional to the degree of certainty of commitment.

Gen Xers, particularly early ones like me, will remember what it was like growing up without mobile phones, without being constantly reachable and without being constantly connected. This meant that there was no real safety net, no way of neatly wriggling out of a commitment. This was particularly so, if you left the comfort of a nearby desk phone in the morning and had made the commitment for the afternoon.  Everybody knew that pay phones hardly ever worked and even if they did, there was no guarantee that the person you were trying to call were within reach of their desk phone.  No mobile phone meant no intrusive emails, texts or calls waiting. Back then, a commitment, meant a locked in plan in all circumstances other than a true emergency, like illness, natural disasters, car accidents and the like. A commitment meant that you also gave the appointee your full attention.  For us Gen Xers, these rules are still relevant today.

Millennials, on the other hand, seem to have the notion that Lewis articulates in the dialogue above. Having a mobile phone and constant email access means the appointee will always be contactable and plans are soft until the appointed time. They also mean that the possibility that something or someone better comes along is ever present and that the new is almost always more interesting than the current. Is it a lack of discipline, a lack of manners or do we really live in a world where not reviewing/ answering immediately translates into an opportunity lost? Have attention spans become so short that 140 characters are all that are available for dialogue?

So, how does a Gen Yer react when a fellow Gen Yer  pulls a “softy” on them?  Is it par for the Gen Y course or a Gen Y slap in the face? Is the game any different when one party is a Gen Xer?  Is it possible for GenY to actually commit?  Jess, enlighten me please because if this is the new normal, then it brings multitasking to a whole new level.  You'll have to hang on a minute SYT, an email has just come in which requires my immediate and undivided attention. Having practiced my delivery, I sincerely hope that came across with the appropriate degree of charm…

Photos from manilovefilms.com and thefancarpet.com